Martin and I started our stained glass class the other night. It was really fun. There is a learning curve to it, and I hope we both catch on quickly and easily. Our homework is to cut out all the glass pieces for our bee project. It makes me wish we had a house, with a garage or somewhere we could actually work on them. It's a little messy and the glass shards can get on the floor.
So with Mother's Day next week I've been thinking about babies lately, and timing it right. Mothers out there is there a "right" time? At first I was adamant about not having my baby born in or close to June or October, because my family has so many birthdays in those months. So I was wanting to have babies in the months of February to May, which means I would need to get pregnant in June to August, but am I really ready to get pregnant in a month? No. But do I want to wait a whole year? No. Should it even matter? Probably not. Plus I plan on having more than one baby someday, so who's to say I can't make the second or third in the months that I want and the first one can be whenever.
Then there's the whole being ready thing. Again mothers, are you ever REALLY ready. I'd like to be in a house, but it's possible to have babies and live in an apartment. Then there's the whole financial aspect of it, can we handle the financial demands of a baby? We are making good money, but can we stop spending, and save for a baby? And lastly are we mature enough to raise a baby, and is our relationship strong enough to be able to put the baby first, and not be so selfish. It's all sooo much. Will I make a good mother, do I want to deal with the sleepless nights and giving myself up completely for another life. I'm a very selfish person. I like things my way, I don't like having a schedule or people telling me what to do or when to do it, can I change?
AND THEN there is the feeling that I'm racing against time. Martin and I are both getting older. What happens if we wait, but then when we decide we want kids, it's too late and we can't. Gayla and Sara's kids are getting older. The youngest cousin of my kids cousins is Sam and she'll be 5 in October. I always wanted my kids close to theirs. My mom is getting older. I can't even fathom the idea of raising my kids without my mom. I'm constantly worrying about that.
Then there's the worry that my kids will turn out damaged. What makes kids turn out the way they do. I see other families and how it seems like all of the kids are a mess. On drugs, in jail, whatever. Then I look at my family, and yeah we've had our problems, but we're all pretty 'normal.' We're also incredibly close, we don't have the drama that some families do. What makes people the way they are. What did my parents do to make us turn out the way we did. Being raised in the church? Having so much emphasis placed on spending time as a family? Are we so incredibly close now because my Dad died? But we were close before too.
There are just so many questions I don't know the answers to, and I hate making decisions.
So am I working myself up over nothing? Did anyone else feel any of these things? What do I do? Just get it over with and have kids and everything else will come and work out ok? Do we wait until we are 100% ready and confident? Does anyone ever get 100% there?
Sunday, May 4, 2008
To the Mothers of the World...
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7 comments:
No one is ever one hundred percent there! And even with children there really isn't that much of a schedule, because it goes all off on them, when they are hungry and tired and what not. Sure when you are a mother you put others first, but of course need to balance it out. The deciding factor shouldn't be whether you two can have your baby in the right month. It should be if you two can love that baby and give it the all that you are able. You never know how long a parent has, WE both know that(with our dads being gone). But even if your mother did go before you had a baby or before you were finished raising them , it sounds like you have plenty of awesome sisters who can guide you and help you wit the things that they have learned from your mother. Paul and I are still in an apartment, I am wanting to be in a house before we have another one, did you read that our forth! So having one in an apartment does work. ANd if it quenches your baby hunger till the point when you have a house, then great.
But with all that aside, it would be fun to come to your baby shower!
One thing that I forgot. About messed up kids and having good parents. I have experience in this, my mother is a drug addict, one of my brothers is in prison and I strayed off the path as well not with drugs but sexually morality. Who knows if I would have made all the right decisions if I had good parents or parents at all. But I venture to say that I would have been influenced for the better.
As long as you are there for them, give them good moral values, are a good example and are there for them, everything will work out. Beyond that children have their own free agency, the only God given thing that you can not take away from them. They will make stupid choices, the best you can do is show them love and patience when they mess up. You go in to parenting blind and it seems that way almost through the whole thing. But in the end it is all worth it, (so I hear!)
You will be a great mother!
Hi Staci its Claire. Wow you have been doing a lot of thinking! Im not a mother yet but I do have a fantastic mom! Afew things i have learnt from her and many of my friends is that there is probably never a perfect time due to one thing or another but when it happens it will be right because you will make it right. Many things happen in life that are out of our control my family have been through many ups and downs and none of them were anybodys fault but the only thing that pulled us through was the fact that we love each other. Your children will make their own mistakes thats just part of life as long as you are there to support them through the good times and be there to pick up the pieces in the bad that is as much as anyone can do for their family. It sounds like you have an amazing family and a great support network and im pretty sure you and Martin will make great parents!
Not speaking from experience, but from what I hear, you'll just know when it's the right time.
Well speaking from experience lol you can have babies an dlive in an apartment. We manage to survive in a 2 bed with 2 boys, kayden shares our room so yes we survive with two so you i would think you could survive with one. we are lokoing for a house now that kayden is getting older but anyways, I think the whole pregancey prepares you for what you need. It helps build your relationship closer, it makes you realize that your gonna be a mommy and some how I just hink that your body know and prepares its self when its ready. I was never ready, I had Kyler at 17. Kayden we planned and yes it was still hard but its worth it. i love being a mommy and miss my baby growin up lol ive considered having another one already lol ty wants to wait a year or so. Anyways you would be a good mommy, its seems hard to figure kids out but when they are your u just get that instinct and know. I never wanted to have summer babies either, havent yet but you should decide if you really think your ready. It does take a lot of time and commiment but its worth it. I never thought I could love kayden as much as i did kyler and then thought i would love kyler less becasue he was not "from ty" but you love them all the same. I love both of my boys so much and would do anything. I still want a little soem day but wouldnt care for another boy either lol. well good luck hope this long comment got somewhere.
Even if you plan to have the baby at a certain time, doesn't mean it will happen. It happens when it is right, and you will know when that time comes. I knew without a doubt it was time for us to start trying and we didn't get Kylee for another 2 years after that...and I am grateful everyday for the way it turned out. I have no doubt you will be a good mom. And you're not old. You still have plenty of time for children. Just follow your heart and when the time is right, you and Martin will know and that child will be very lucky to come to your family. Everything you're worrying about is completely normal and everyone worries about it. It will all work out somehow though. It always does. I can tell you one thing though...I knew being a parent would be a lot of work and I knew that I wanted to be one, but I had NO idea how much I would LOVE it! It is WAY more rewarding than I ever imagined. It is the BEST thing I've ever done and I am SO thankful I'm a mom! Just like all the really great things in life, it's HARD, but WORTH IT! LOVES!
It's possible to have babies and be in apartments. We did it for the last 3 1/2 years. But you need to have a place with enough room for the child to move!
If you don't think you're mature enough or that Martin is, WAIT! Having children is also a mutual decision, it isn't just about you or having a child when you want.
It's only a question that you and Martin can answer together. :}
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