Breastfeeding

I started compiling a list of the random places I fed Liam. This isn't a complete list, I'm sure.

Places I've Breastfed

Demolition derby
Chili's
Golden Corral
Javier's
Kohl's parking lot
McDonald's PL
Trax
Frontrunner
Big Latch On
Work
Church
JoAnn's
JC Penney's
Walking home from Mom's
In the Moby
In the Ergo
In the Ergo while grocery shopping
Target
Walmart
In the shower/bath
Bridal shower
Sizzler
Mall food court
Dressing room
Park bench
Forgotten Carols
Time out for Women
Anywhere and everywhere

I've been thinking about writing this post for a long time. I'm hesitant because it's something very personal, and can be a bit of a hot topic sometimes. Breastfeeding has not been easy. My milk didn't come in until around day 8. Liam slept 7 hours on day 5 I couldn't get him to wake up at all. We almost ended up in the ER because I was so worried. I'm so thankful for my aunt Ruth and cousin Sandy for being there to answer my questions and give me the encouragement to keep going. We used a nipple shield because of the horrendous pain for almost 8 weeks. While I do think it affected my supply, it kept us going. I didn't really have to wean him off of the shield, when we started co-sleeping it became more of a nuisance. Liam knocked the shield off one day, latched, and that was the end of it. The pain was completely gone by 3 months. The pain made it REALLY hard to enjoy breastfeeding at first. I kept telling my family I wanted to start an anti-breastfeeding campaign called "breastfeeding sucks!" if I wouldn't have been so stubborn with wanting to stick with it no matter what, I wouldn't have made it past those first two weeks.

I went back to work in July and struggled to figure out pumping. I was pumping about 5 times a day. Once first thing in the morning (while feeding Liam on the other side,) 3 times at work, and once when I got home. There were some weeks I struggled with producing enough, but we eventually figured things out.

Also in July I found the LLL website and saw information about "The Big Latch-on" in August and knew I wanted to go. It was an event in correlation with Worldwide Breastfeeding Week where breastfeeding moms all over the world gathered at 10:00am in their time zone to nurse their babies for one minute to aim for the world record. I had Martin go with us because I was too scared to go alone and we took Frontrunner down to Salt Lake then Trax to the SLC library with Liam content in the Moby. While getting off trax there was another babywearing mom that got off with us, we both kind of nodded knowingly and she said I can guess where you're going. (She is now my really good friend). There were so many babywearing moms there that were breastfeeding too. It felt like I had found 'my people' Which made me seek out LLL. I went to my first meeting also in August and these were my type of people too! It feels so very isolating being a new mom especially if you do things that aren't 'the norm' so it was so liberating to find other people like me. Breastfeeding, cosleeping, anti-cry-it-out, babywearing, gentle parenting mamas who had all gone through what I was going through. They were so encouraging and knew just what to say to keep me going.

As Liam got older pumping was easier because he wasn't needing as much, and was eating other foods. I started to build a freezer stash and ended up donating over 300 ounces of milk to other babies. I was able to gradually decrease the times a day I was pumping down to once in the morning and once at work. My last day of work I was feeling a little sappy and I wrote a letter to my breastpump.

Dear Breastpump,
Thank you for helping me provide milk for my baby since I've been back to work for 13 months. I have loved knowing that even though I couldn't be with my baby, I was giving him my very best, and for that I am grateful. However I am thrilled to be done with you. Starting Monday I will officially be a stay at home mom and no longer need your help to give my baby the best.
Sincerely,
Me

In the beginning, I worried so much about my supply and had a hard time dealing with the pain, but I think what finally helped things fall into place was when I was able to let go of all the doubt and worry, and trust my body that it knew what it was doing if I listened to my baby and let him tell me what he needed.

Liam is 23 months old now and we are still breastfeeding. Mostly just upon going to sleep and waking including nap time, but if he asks I don't refuse. In the beginning I never knew if we would make it to the next month so I never thought we would make it this far. I don't really have plans to make him stop. I'd like to let things continue to take their course and let him decide when he is ready, although breastfeeding a 3 year old seems a little foreign to me, (then again so did breastfeeding a 2 year old when we started and now here we are.)

Breastfeeding is so much more to me then just a feeding method. It's a parenting philosophy, and how I choose to mother my child. It is the answer to every bump and unease, it is a way to reconnect and feel grounded. I'm thankful for those who have helped be a support along the way. Especially Martin. He's been there every step of the way helping me along. Supporting me and Liam knowing that this is what's best for Liam even if it's occasionally hard on all of us.

I've never had much "stick-with-it-ivity" throughout my life. Always moving from one thing to the next, not very often finishing things, but breastfeeding is one thing that I consider one of my finest accomplishments that I am proud of because it is one of the hardest things I've ever done.